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A Strangers passing.



I've my own set of views and assumptions about death. Take away the typical meanderings about heaven or hell and whether or not they exist, death is looked upon in a very selfish manner. It can't be helped really, since only the living remain, and we have no one to think about but ourselves. Do not attempt to deny it, because you cannot have a point of view, without putting yourself somewhere in the equation of thoughts about said situation. But this is another matter. What I wish to relate is my own experience with the very recent passing of a man. My own views on being told what has been going on for the last 3 days. And the onslaught of stories that have since been aired, after news of his passing made it to my home yesterday. He is to be cremated later on today.



This man, loved, respected. Adored and admired. A tall, very tall dark haired and dark skinned Taino. Married to my cousin. I can't even say how long. They got married only a few years after I "met" him. I was was Four years old, and he carried me into the ocean while we were on the beach in PR. That was the only time I remember. And that memory, I'm not too sure about.



My cousin and him remained in PR after I moved to PA. Been there since. My inability to go back "home" proves once again to hurt more than it should. 2 decades pass by as I hear stories about him and other family members. Even both my sisters got to actually meet him. Comical, soft spoken prankster that told them aliens existed, as he drove them through a dark rumored mountain side. He rode a Harley. Had size 15 boots the everyone always compared me to. He was a giant. That much I could attest to from how incredibly high it felt when he lifted me when I was younger.



He called his In-laws. Mama and Papa. They took him in as their own and always checked up on him. They thought of him every passing moment. Similar to his In-law's marriage, his companionship with my cousin was something you could only hope to compare to faery tales and movies. They were perfect and they loved one another passionately, and had a beautiful family together with their daughter, who is now 12 years old. My uncle, his in-law and him share the same personality. Shameless pranksters and jokers. Always smiling and telling jokes. Lighthearted and kind. According to everything I've heard, there's not a soul to say anything ill about him. Most likely true from the fact that the Funeral Home was packed, from the moment it was opened to this very moment. His family is scattered across the globe... lawyers, doctors, business owners and teachers. They are all there today.



His mother and his daughter refused to enter to see him. They could not. His mother I understand. But His daughter, is where my focus lies. The day he was found on the floor, not breathing, blood ran from his nose and mouth due to what I am told is capillaries bursting from congestion... Either way... his wife finding him and hysterically attempting to revive him and calling family.. woke their daughter. She walked in lured by all the screaming and saw her father there... on the floor, dead and bleeding. I can only imagine her reaction and feelings right now. But, when our aunt came to check up on her, back at her house. His daughter, had decided to go play guitar for a while. our aunt found her and asked her if she was alright. She smiled.



She told her she was fine. That... she spoke to her father.He apologized to her for having gotten into an argument with her the day prior over her being on her cell phone too much. He told her, that he had gotten that chance to makes things better for her, and say a proper goodbye, so that that last morbid images of her father could be replaced with happier ones. He told her he would always be around and when she needed him, all she needed to do was play him music.



My aunt shivered and felt him behind her, embracing her. She then was told by him, keep our family together and take care of one another. You will all need each other for what's coming. Mend or wounds and move on, is you wish to feel closer to me. And remember I love you all.



This, I was told earlier today. My aunt shared that with my mother and in turn I was told. Now... as four of my cousins take turns going to the viewing two by two... They find out their father has been in intensive care for 3 days... and his current wife saw fit to not let anyone know. His son found this out because he went asking for him after 2 days of no word from him. My Uncle... is still in the ICU. One of them recently just got married and now, the entirety of my family has to deal with a sudden death and an impending one from Liver Failure. His wife.. estranged from her sisters, my mother and her other two sisters, because of some dispute. But the death and message from my Cousin husband... brought her back to care for his daughter... and mend their issues. And now... they all have to prepare... for what is to come... another loved one is fading and



I sit angrily here... wishing I knew the people that my family is being cut deep over their loss, and are about to lose. Not Really being able to express any actually connection to them, because... I've been gone so long, I don't even know what they look like.



I wish i knew them, and had for so long wanted to meet them and now all I'll ever have is their families memories. Over 20 years... and I've had to sit back and listen to Uncle and Uncle, cousin Aunt and close family...ALL whom I met when i was 4-5 years old and spent really decent times with and only remember maybe one thing about them.... have been passing. Angry, that I never got to know them. Happy that I have my own memory of them. Wishing I had gotten to learn from them... hear their stories and experience like my family loves to tell...



And I cry... selfishly, angrily, over a Stranger's Passing.